THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A ME

Something is stirring within me
I never was in control
My pretence of knowing what's in me
Covers a hidden black hole

I once thought I knew what me was
Until I began to explore
My illusion of me then imploded
I don't know who I am any more

But there's still a role to be played out
I'll play it, enjoy it with glee
But I'll do so in glaring awareness
There is no such thing as a me

I WANTED TO BATHE IN YOUR GLORY

I wanted to bathe in your glory
But you you must tell your own story
You must live in your own category
Explore your own territory

Your story can never be mine
You gotta drink your own wine
Find your own place to dine
Dig in your own goldmine

And so my child I release you
To do whatever will please you
I can't seize you or squeeze you or freeze you
My own dreams never can ease you

Goodbye my child with my blessing
Move on for time's always pressing
Our parting need not be distressing
Your need to be you I'm addressing

SO LONG AS YOU'RE CREATING

You may find that there's a loving voice
That sustains you in dark places
And though you want to lay your burden down
You remember loving faces
A tent and silver charcoal tray
Is all that it would take
But there are fragile loving hearts
And without you they would beak

You may find that if truth be told
You don't know what you're doing
But you do know that the next best step
Is to help those who are losing
To put a smile on just one face
Justifies the steps you're taking
It doesn't matter what you make
So long as you're creating

BAD SEED

I never got to love you right
In the way I know I should
And now I know just what to do
Now you have gone for good
But for all the mistakes I know I made
I know this from my heart
It was nothing that I said or did 
That made your soul turn dark

With your heartlessness and greed
You're a lost and dark bad seed
I am hurting but I am free
But you're in Hell

You played upon my guilty heart
Just to make yourself look white
But when you turned on the others who loved
Then the truth began to bite
And those with the right of angry reproach
Saw the light in me instead
Forgiveness is what I received
While from you there was not a shred

With your heartlessness and greed
You're a lost and dark bad seed
I am hurting but I am free
But you're in Hell

There are two who love you still
And they will for evermore
They endure the Dark that comes from you
When two more walked out the door
And I can't condemn unconditional love
For I received it too
But no love will ever satisfy
The darkness inside you

With your heartlessness and greed
You're a lost and dark bad seed
I am hurting but I am free
But you're in Hell

UPSTAIRS WITH THE INTROVERTS

I am upstairs with the introverts
There's no one to hold our hands
And although we're all sitting we all know where we stand
And none of us will be disturbed by enemies or fans
For solitude isn't loneliness at all
Not at all
No, solitude isn't loneliness at all

I am upstairs with the introverts
It is where I choose to be
There are times when I want no one to be sitting next to me
For its only when we're with ourselves that we are truly free
For solitude isn't loneliness at all
Not at all
No, solitude isn't loneliness at all

I am upstairs with the introverts

We all watch the world go by

Only upstairs from this window have I access to the sky

This is as close to wings I'll ever get

And learning how to fly

For solitude isn't loneliness at all
Not at all
No, solitude isn't loneliness at all

THE FIRST TIME I WAS PUT TO SLEEP

The first time I was put to sleep
I remember it oh so well
I went from pain to none at all
To heaven straight from hell
My tormentors suddenly became my friends
We all floated as one in the sky
Looking down on beans and spuds and carrots
My brand new friends and I

It seemed so normal while I was there
Like it happened every day
To float above the street that was next to the field
There was nothing special to say
The balding man he introduced me
To the smiling man in white
Who suddenly floated into view
In front of me from the right

The second time I was put to sleep
The room it went very dark
I closed my eyes then they opened again
The silence was harsh and so stark
They only light that I could see
Was from the window so far away
But the light wouldn't shine into the dark room
I was distant from the bright day

Then to my indifferent eyes
The window became three
In a circle they moved in perfect step
Revolving in front of me
Against the empty silent black
The windows danced and moved
And then without warning at all
I was sitting back in the room

The third time I was put to sleep
I remember nothing at all
I was sleepy before I entered the room
And nothing more I recall
The journey there I remember well
It was the days before you walked
There were striplights and windows and corridors
And then green people who talked and talked

I remember their talking boring me
With nothing I wanted to know
I just felt very sleepy and wanted to sleep
And my thigh had a painful glow
Like some monstrous mosquito bite
It bulged to rounded peak
From whatever they injected before I got here
That made me so sleepy and weak

The fourth time I was put sleep
Was the least exciting of all
A feeling of cold travelling up my arm
There's nothing else to recall
No fields no floating no windows no dark
Not even a drifting before
I went I lay down and cold reached my elbow
Before I remembered no more

I was looking up at the featureless ceiling
Which changed its look in a flash
Then my loved one concerned looked down on me
My bloodied mouth made her face turn to ash
There was pain and discomfort that went unrelieved
By every concoction they gave
My only sincerest wish was return
To the oblivion from where I came

And none of these times was as good as the first
To that dreamfield I yearned to return
And in my attempts to get there myself
There were painful lessons to learn
I was lucky that I was not shamefully exposed
I was lucky I did not die
I learned at a cost that was luckily lower
That I could not return to the sky

But much later on I discovered a place
Both natural and good for the mind
And for an hour or two whenever I wish
I can leave my body behind
Sometimes I go to an alternate place
Sometimes it is simply dark
But the world I come back to is happy and good
Away from the tears of the past

I return more awake than I ever have been
And to a shocking realization
It's in fact them not me who have been put to sleep
All their lives they have never awakened
What they call the real world is only a dream
That lives only inside their minds
So I'm glad for the first time I was put to sleep
Now I'm one of the few who aren't blind

I CAN'T REMEMBER YOUR NAME

I known you now so many years
We've shared jokes and moans and laughs and tears
We've often discussed our hopes and fears
Now I can't remember your name

I know exactly who you are 
Together we have come so far
We've been to many a local bar
But I can't remember your name

Maybe you haven't stirred my soul
Perhaps we don't share a common goal
So now that we are growing old
I can't remember your name

A profound embarrassment churns inside
I use phrases like "old friend of mine"
But the awful truth won't be denied
I can't remember your name

I yearn for how it used to be
When things by themselves came back to me
Now like a ship with no rudder they're lost at sea
And I can't remember your name

I feel the sadness of lost control
Of things I can't do I once did at a stroll
Inside my mind there's a widening hole
So I can't remember your name

I know that you are feeling hurt
Like our friendship's only worthless dirt
But I'd give away my very last shirt
Just to remember your name